starcollector's Full Review: Kilroy Was Here by Styx
Disclaimer: Those looking for a brief description of the album will find what their looking for in the "Review Body" section. The section titled "Track Reviews" is meant only for those who want to read detailed descriptions of the songs, and they do not constitute the essence of this review. Lastly and most importantly, this review is probably not written by the point of view of a Styx fan.)
Overall Score: 2/5 Best song: “Mr. Roboto” Worst song: “Don't Let it End”
Review Body:
The story behind the creation of this album can be traced back to the California State Legislature. These lawmakers were under the impression that “Snowblind,” an earlier Styx song, had contained the backwards message “Satan move through our voices.” Of course, that's ridiculous considering this line-in-question says something completely legitimate frontwards, “I try so hard to make it so.” The space cadets running California apparently caused Styx enough grief that they retaliated with this dark, 1984-esque concept album where government censorship runs rampant, individual thought is stifled, and robots take over the workforce. I'm not sure what robots have to do with censorship, but let's run with it.
Why? Because it's the robots, you see, that are the only reason to celebrate this godforsaken Styx album. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's the greatest song about robots since Kraftwerk's “The Robots,” and it's a hell of a lot more fun to dance to. It's “Mr. Roboto,” of course. For once, Styx's high-level dorkiness-factor unleashed something pure and holy onto the universe instead of something that makes me want to vomit. The melody is catchy, and the '80s synth-pop grooves are snappy. The lyrics are pretentious and ridiculous, but when combined with Dennis DeYoung's ultra-dramatic vocal performance, they're so much fun to hear that I have trouble resisting the urge to sing along with it myself. Indeed, it turned out to be one of the decade's most iconic tunes, and it's from Styx of all bands. Isn't that weird?
That about does it for the good songs in Kilroy Was Here. “Mr. Roboto” is the opening track, and you had might as well pack up shop after that one's done playing. All of this other songs on this album is, for the lack of a better term, crap. Some moments are better than others, but it's all very much crap deep down inside. I will say that the energetic “High Time” is a sort of fun rip off of The Beatles' “Getting Better,” despite that embarrassing, disjointed introduction combining '50s do-wop singing and synth-pop. At least hearing Dennis DeYoung trying to scat sing in the middle of it provided me with a few unintentional chuckles.
The electric piano ballad “Don't Let it End” constituted the album's second biggest hit, and it's basically a rewrite of “Babe.” Let me tell you, it is bad enough that “Babe” exists, and the last thing anyone needs is another song like it. Tommy Shaw tries to one-up that and very nearly succeeds with “Have We Been Here Before,” a song that's not only unbearably saccharine but had the gall to contain a Shaw/DeYoung duet. If it's possible to die from listening to bad adult contemporary music, then this song is going to be it.
Tommy Shaw's “Cold War” opens with a nice, tight riff, but that's the extent of that song's appeal. Its attempts to bring in a synth-pop groove midway though is difficult to listen to. I don't know why he bothered writing a decent riff if he was just going to turn it into a nasty synth-pop tune! Shaw does something interesting at the beginning of his “Just Get Through the Night.” He brings in a light, spacey synthscape while an out-of-tune banjo noodles around in the foreground. It's pedestrian for sure, but it's almost compelling. The rest of the song is an ordinary power ballad that's so bland that it's not worth mentioning.
James Young writes not one, but two solo contributions here. Oy! The first is a hair-metal ditty called “Heavy Metal Poisoning.” It has some rockin' energy, but it sounds pathetically close to Spinal Tap. You also might notice that there's a backwards message at the beginning of the song. According to DeYoung, it's an attack on the lawmakers who accused Styx of spreading the message of Satan. It says “Novus Ordo Seclorum,” a Latin phrase they took from the dollar bill. .........Yeah, that showed 'em! ......? And Young's second composition is the completely bland “Double Life,” which is so non-noteworthy that I really didn't need to mention it.
This is also the final Styx studio album they would release in their classic era. Indeed, Dennis DeYoung was excited about getting on with the sollllllllllo. (Oh god, are the evil elves dwelling in my brain going to force me to review solo Dennis DeYoung albums? STOP TORTURING ME!!!!! .... I see that Dennis DeYoung wrote a Broadway musical in the '90s. Do you know what this means? I'm as good as dead.)
Track Reviews:
Mr. RobotoA+ What do we have here? A spaced-out synth-scape intro, a goofy synth-pop groove, cheesy theatrical vocals and some of the most incredibly pretentious and geeky lyrics I've ever heard. And yet, through some incredibly bizarre force of nature, this song not only *works*, but it's just about one of the most goshdurn awesome experiences ever conceived by mankind. Dennis DeYoung usually sucks, but for some reason everything actually came together here so well that I almost think he knew what he was doing. The melody is extremely catchy in the *good* way, and all those spaced-out noodly sections and robot-voices are fun to hear. I can't believe it, but this is a Styx song and it's a massive classic.
Cold WarC And it quickly begins to sink in that “Mr. Roboto” was basically the only reason for this album to exist. They were also more than willing to sink in with the '80s, so you can expect more of those drum machine and synth-pop grooves. Unfortunately, whereas the groove worked wonderfully in “Mr. Roboto,” this disjointed thing is just lame. Tommy Shaw's melody is boring, too. What I do find kind of likable about this, however, is that ultra-polished guitar riff. It packs a punch! Unfortunately, that's only a minor part of this...
Don't Let it EndD NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! OH, THE HUMANITTTTTTTTT... This is so brutal that I can't even finish that sentence. Why are they doing this to me??? I thought I told you that your electric piano ballads were complete crap when I reviewed Cornerstone, but you completely didn't listen to me. The good news is that this is better than “Babe.” The bad news that pretty much everything is better than “Babe.” There's a decent hook in the chorus (I'm feeling nice), hence the non-F rating, but I can't take this saccharine.
High TimeB- For some reason, I don't think this song sucks. I hated it in my original review, but I can't remember why I hated it so. I suppose it must have been the introduction, which is an overly cutesy throwback to vocal pop songs from the '50s. Yeah, that's an embarrassing introduction, but that's basically over after the first thirty seconds. The rest of the song is a mostly inoffensive, overblown Styx rocker (if there is such a thing) with a bouncy electric guitar that's right out of The Beatles' “Getting Better.”
Heavy Metal PoisoningC- Here's the nadir of James Young, although I will admit that his weird, low-pitched singing is crazy enough to be fun. I also really hate listening to the guitars as it's just opening, but somehow it gets better as it progresses. As you'd expect from Young, he gives us a hard rock song... and since this was the early '80s, you can expect it to resemble trashy hair metal. Yeah, this is such a trashy hair metal song that it has Spinal Tap written all over it. It's funny in its unintentional way, and amusing enough, but this starts to grow tiresome after more than one listen.
Just Get Through the NightC Tommy Shaw was trying to go cinematic with this one. A light synthscape while a slightly out-of-tune banjo right out of the soundtrack of Once Upon a Time in the West wails in the background. This intro comes off as a bit pedestrian and it's a little boring to be honest, but it's not bad. Good try. What comes next is a fairly standard Styx power ballad. The melody is OK although unmemorable. Tommy Shaw tries to sing well beyond his vocal range, which just makes the song seem even more pompous. That electric guitar solo in the middle is truly lame.
Double LifeC- Wait a second.......... This is ANOTHER James Young composition? I thought he was only allotted one per album. He gave Styx some good songs a few albums back, but the basset hound has been sucking lately... Why are you giving him the benefit of the doubt? Well, this song isn't so much *bad* as it never takes off. The melody doesn't go anywhere. The instrumentation is just your ordinary early '80s pop-rock fare with a mid-tempo drum machine, horn synths and a pulsating bass rhythm. The synth-heavy fade-out sounds like they were trying to emulate Alan Parsons, but that was pretty much doomed at the start.
Haven't We Been Here Before?D Yeah, haven't we been here before? I thought I told you to stop it with the saccharine ballads! The one thing this song has over “Babe” and “Don't Let it End” is they spare us the electric piano. But that doesn't mean this song sounds like it should have an electric piano. Not only is it so cheesy that it's unbearable, but the melody has precisely zero hooks in it. Nothing. I listen to this song and feel it sucking my essence out of my ears. Just the fact that DeYoung and Shaw felt the need to do an “Up-Where-We-Belong”-style duet in this gives me reason to stab my temples with plastic forks.
Don't Let it End (Reprise)C- Oh god, LET IT END. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE!!!! I'm not sure what possesses Styx to end their albums with medleys of their earlier songs. If we really wanted that, we'd just play the original songs again. I guess they were going for a big Broadway finale...... But nobody wants that. It was bad enough when Styx was not pretending to be on Broadway.
Concluding Remarks:
Styx's final studio album during their initial run has one iconic '80s song on it. And the rest of it pretty much sucks.
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